BHHH2 Hash Trash for Run #1348

Lungsiakan Kedewatan Ubud

25-Nov-17

Lung Disease Northrup Westwood of Uber

I must be the only idiot left on earth with any kind of predictive and corrective text system somehow buried deep in my “intelligent” phone that occasionally and maliciously makes a hateful and unwanted appearance and spits out the above kind of gobbledygook when I’m trying to tell someone where the Hash is located, for example (Lunsiakan North West of Ubud). It drives me nuts and I’ve had several “tech savvy” people pronounce it dead and gone after confidently (and not just a touch condescendingly) fiddling with it momentarily. (Note: read on after the photo section)

“There you go” they say authoritatively handing the funicular thin (sorry, fuckin’ thing) back to me with a flourish, and sometimes a bill for services rendered. This helpful feature never fails to resurrect itself, however making a malevolent reappearance when I’m performing the most innocent and prosaic of tasks. Texting about Australian bird life (don’t ask) a few days ago I ended up with combos such as “cooker borough”, “cock or two” and “brown ruffed bastard”. AAARRRGH.  Enough is enough I’m sentencing the whole funnel thing to be committed to the deep end of the swimming pool tomorrow at dawn.

Anyway, Lunsiakan was indeed the location of last week’s Hash. It certainly isn’t as if we have never been to this site before, but the Lievre (pronounced “Hare” without the “H”) Francais did a splendid job of sending us in nouvelles directions. Yes, Le ‘are, was yet another grenouille (“ribbit”), we had a crapaud (“crever”, sorry “croak”) two weeks ago as well and had all kinds of fun with quotation marks and mots Francais for Allez Allez’s run at Ponggang, but we’re obviously not going to do that again this week, that would be wrong. They are indeed clever and creative fellows these sauters (pronounced “jumpers”) and the run was a cracker (“biscuit sale”).

But seriously, gen (folks), I thoroughly enjoyed it. The scenery was great, there weren’t too many laborious ups and downs and they weren’t that laborious anyway. The trail was well laid, paper easy to follow. Generally ‘are Flash Dick (“Bite Dick” – google it up if you don’t believe me), who had never laid a run before, did a bon travail if ever there was one done. Even some mild breezes brushed the landscape and it pointedly didn’t rain. There is an observation (ahem) I would like to make however concerning some features of the scenery, this being the colorful and highly visible ablution activities of Zola the ridge back and Pogo the dalmation two (TWO!) of my favourite Hash dogs.

For some reason and I have no idea why, to the canine brain the very first stages of a Hash run, any Hash run, is the ideal time for comprehensive and dramatic bowel evacuation. If you wish to be spared this high definition, multi pixel experience, do yourself a huge favor and give both creatures a wide berth. Start the run early or if necessary and it kills you, stay up front with the FRBs. Even Zola’s human, Mount ‘n’ groan, could not hazard a guess at what she had recently devoured to cause such a result, I won’t go into it. Suffice to say that I may have to take sick leave or seek trauma counseling some time this week.

Later in the Angela Merkel (circle) Pogo’s human, whose identity will remain a closely guarded secret (Comes Up, who shall be henceforth referred to as either Mr. X or Mr. Up in order to observe the tenets of the Official Secrets Act) was falsely accused of pushing the Hash Master (“M”) into a rice paddy. I would not have believed this even if I had actually seen it with my own eyes, which I had, and I didn’t. Nevertheless he (Mr. Xup) was severely iced and shriven by Night Jar who shall also remain nameless. All very hush-hush you see, this affair, and must be treated with the utmost discretion and delicate diplomacy. After all, this is the Hash. In X’s defense, M did not say “Passing”.

The rest of the circle in stark contrast to this was high jollity and hilarity, which I put down to one of two things: A general sense of good fellowship among serious athletes of a high caliber or “beer”. I think I might be onto something with the latter investigative theory. I’ll look into it right away.

On on,

J.B.

P.S. Don’t miss the next BHHH2 Run Saturday the 2nd of December as it is the St Andrews Day Run located Somewhere in Tagalalang.