Bali Hash House Harriers 2

Hash Trash Run #1500

Trash Scribe: Nightjar

BALI HHHII 1500 HASH THRASH AT KEMENUH ON SATURDAY 19^TH JUNE

FUCK ME – that was some party, and all kudos to the organisers and sponsors, most notably WORM, COMING ROUND THE MOUNTAIN, IBM, RINGTAIL & SIXTY-NINER, NO DEPOSIT, and not forgetting HORNY HERRING who ensured an ample supply of the golden fluid. I think we were on our eighth or ninth keg when I sloped off and there was still a sizeable crowd round the beer truck. And the grub – oodles of it, pig meat and satay off the grill and every kind of crunchy, crudity and sweetmeat you’ve ever heard of. But beware those BLACK BULL B52 BOMBERS and the cajolement of those dispensing them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many motor-cars at a HASH RUN, and all so well lined up thanks to HARELIP & TOILET TRASHER. Wot a cosmopolitan crew creeping out of the carpentry in all directions. Preponderance of FROGS and not a few KRAUTS and BUTTER-BOXES: I even found myself chatting to an ARGIE who professed to prefer the IRON LADY to the IRON-WITTED GENERAL. HARES were WOODENEYE, AMAZON & SHORT SHAFT, who, as predicted, cleverly set three trails, each designed to get all punters, including ONE-EYED TROUSER SNAKE and HORNY HERRING back to the beer truck well before dark. Solstice in a couple of days, remember? Surprise appearances by THE GRAND POOH-BAH who was with us from BALI H3 RUN #1 in May1977, and THE WOLF – pisspot with paintpot who should slap it up and down more often – mad artist actually did the long run. It was a field day for the doggies – loads of ’em and all generally well behaved, just like their masters & mistresses. YWGMH, having been called upon to hail birthday boys and shrive miscreants (affording appropriate exposition of posteriority), was then persuaded to celebrate the comely presence of so many delectable HENHOUSE HARRIETTES by rendering the original ROEDEAN SCHOOL SONG. On being handed the mike, sparks flew out of his arse, his being unshod and said gizmo improperly earthed. It should be clear to everyone by now that I do not wear shoes and that I suffer from microphone phobia which means that I hate fucking microphones. Thank you SAINT TITS for holding it for me. And thank you chaps for beautiful new shirt.

BALI HHH II TRASH KARANG DALEM I

SATURDAY JUNE 5TH 2021

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What’s in a name? That which we call a nose by any other name would small a rat.” (Extract from More Profiles) BALI HASH by Victor Mason (CV Taksu 1988) – NB 37 copies remain in decent nick, and going for a song at BALI HASH II HABERDASHER: Grab ’em while they last. AMAZON DOT COM want 70 bucks for this masterpiece which was intended for BALI INTERHASH ‘88 goodies bag, but some fucking subcommittee didn’t agree and YWGMH got stuck with the entire print run of 3000. 1000 were subsequently given away at BALI RECOVERY RUN 2003 of which YWGMH was Chairman. Were you there? Who cares? Anyway, before all else today, YWGMH was interrogated by DISCOWANKER. Who gave you the name NIGHTJAR2 Actually it was BUNTER aka RED NECKED PADDY FIELD WARBLER EX CAMBRIDGE H3 and alumnus of BALI H3 in 1983/4 – some allusion to avian affinities, a goatsucker or maybe a chamber-pot or even something brimming in hand after dark.

It was DISCOWANKER’S circle, most admirably conducted and WOODEN EYE was called upon to bestow monickers. Something to do with: Sunny or cloudy no honey in Saudi. The cacophonous caterwauling of our farraginous fellowship superimposed itself on all else – HONEY DIPPER HONEY DRIPPER HONEY SUCKER HONEY FUCKER HONEY BUNNY HONEY POT HONEYLAMB … DIP IT IN HONEY & BESHIVE was the outcome. Welcome to BALI HASH HOUSE HARRIERS TWO TWO TWO. And welcome back BLOW JOE from self-imposed confinement, and WRIGGLY from on-line examination. Stay with us. And the run today? There were two two two, by all accounts both equally brilliant and overflown by screaming Serpent Eagles and cleverly contrived so that walkers and runners returned together. BRAVO. Terrific turnout and consumption, and our worthy HARES were INFLATABLE BEDMATE (think rubber boats crammed with bathing belles) and SERIAL OFFENDER (you don’t want to know).

Really one of the best yet. Next week? I can’t remember.

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Bali Hash House Harriers 2

Hash Trash During the Time of COVID

Trash Scribe: Nightjar

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HASH TRASH AND TREES AT MONKEY RIVER KEMENUH

RUN 1496 – SATURDAY 22 May

That lovely twisting lane and avenue of sheltering palms, newly planted fields on either side, down to the wooded graveyard and mighty Petanu valley. We’ve been here before, quite a few times, but not recently. I’ve usually got as far as that stupendous waterfall, but this time decided to explore our more immediate surrounds. The wood is ancient and comprises many magnificent trees, including ginormous Sterculia, Bombax, Ficus, and Tectona (Teak). Not a good spot for birds though: this is a kingdom of macaques. Little long-tailed buggers scampering everywhere and no tourists to spoil them. Tucked away behind the temple, quite easily the most lavishly appointed cock-fighting arena I’ve seen, with ring-master’s dais raised high above centre-stand. Emerging from the shrubbery I see NIGHT CRAWLER clutching a large Kaja fruit. No, it’s not a Jeruk Bali – pahit and poison and best discarded. It! did call for the application of anti-itch salve, but no damage done.

Urgent text message from SWEET SU on arrival at the beer truck – take it easy on the piss; your second jab rescheduled for Monday morning – so better watch it. Huge attendance – 130 odd, all the old familiar faces and not a few new. Sorry I couldn’t make it last week, missing WOODEN EYE’s defloration and LABIA’s circumcision ceremonies, victim of misinformation don’t you know. But DISCOWANKER was there, today also, and performing admirably. Hares were HARELIP and MUFF RIDER (newly christened) and Paper Bitch AMAZON (or AMAZON ARSE from Medan I’m told). Absolutely no complaints, and bloody well better not be (as pronounced by HARELIP before the event). Indeed, what was there to complain about – easily four kegs consumed plus bottles and splendid circle, AMAZON iced – I’m not sure why, but seemed to enjoy it, with EAT HER lap-dancing, and duly shriven by YWGMH. More than exiguous crack: that’s the way to do it. The Jews had been engaged in mighty smiting of late, thus prompting THERE WERE THREE JEWS FROM JERUSALEM. Can’t believe you never heard it before. Wherever have you been?

HASH TRASH BALI HHHII

BUKIT JATI MAY DAY 2021

PDF AVAILABLE HERE

Mayday May day – no; not an international call from a sinking ship or errant aeroplane or distressed Hen-House Harrier – nor anything to do with socialist and labour demonstrations. A hint of sportive activity perhaps. A loud declaration of its being the very first day of the merry month of May. Oh, it’s red flags and up the workers is it? Where are these people? Well, there was a maypole with a lantern on top and a beer jug below, and YWGMH skipped round it, apron bulging with nuts. But I thought only girls were supposed to do that. Pretty girls with frocks and garlands and posies and beribboned tresses streaming. Here we come gathering nuts in May on a cold and frosty morning. Whose nuts shall we gather today? How about BOUNCING CZECH’s? He was the Hare, bably assisted by NO DEPOSIT. Indeed, a fine pair. And who more suitably disposed than those with Bukit Jati within bottles hurling distance of their backdoor?

There was more than one nigger in the teak-hill however. Two other mobs had laid paper in the area, and BOUNCING CZECH had devised tricoloured – predominantly blue, white and red Czech bendera – bumph in ribbons like those bedecking the May Queen as opposed to inchoate blobs previously festering. It was difficult to judge the efficacy of such provision, since no one – not even an SCB – got back within the hour. Usual postmortems – they do go on – but no unhappiness expressed. Truck piled high with kegs wangled FOC courtesy of WORM and HORNY HERRING who now Beer Master. I believe we disposed of 31 in celebrating Mayday, Queen of the May, and darling rosebuds, not to say

patron Saints Days James and Philip, and the long-awaited return of SEX ON THE DESK. Good one. And finally YWGMH&S NICE GIRLS’ candles, Desa Timbul wayyup there again next Saturday. If you missed HANDJOB’S paragon on April 10, two more totally divergent virgin lays promised, so be there, and I’ll see you then. Bloody marvelous.

ON ON ….

EXTRACT FROM THE JOURNAL OF NIGHTJAR

SATURDAY 17 APRIL 2021

INFLATABLE BEDMATE rang at midday offering ride to today’s HASH way up in the hills, but I declined none too graciously. Poor sod (full of pain-killers and penicillin) basket-case from overdoing it last week – at least five piss-ups including on the same day No Dead Fish at SAM O’NELLA’s to celebrate the departure of THE CUNT OF MONTE-CRISTO followed by CURRY CLUB at GANESH hosted by CHIPPY and DICK THE PRICK. OCTOGENARIAN AQUARIANS ought to know better, but ….. I had really been looking forward to the caves and waterfalls and jungle trails advertised last week by WHITEBAIT and HANDJOB, but …. ON ON all you BUCKY LUGGERS.

Scintillant start to the day The Drongo Cuckoo shouting the odds perched high in the Acacia. I get a good bead on him – clearly square-tailed and presumably resident. This chap can count up to seven, and that is the peak of his performance. The other night I had one that stuck on six for over 200 consecutive calls …. then I fell asleep. Counting cuckoo calls never fails.I once had one that went occasionally to eight. The book says up to a dozen. I don’t believe it. But – tell me – how come there wassnary sign nor sound of this bird in Bali for something like 40 years (or if there were it was never recorded)?

How do we account for the fact that I have heard (and not infrequently seen) Drongo Cuckoos practically every day and night for the past three or four years? And I am not the only one. Ask INFLATABLE BEDMATE for another. Climate change? BOLLOX! Birds and butterflies alleged to be extinct reappear regularly. All over the show. How come?

My death has been reported both in print and on-line. Moribund I maybe, but still alive and kicking. INFLATABLE BEDMATE next week in the uplands for Kuningan and St George. ON ON ye noblest English!

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