Bali HHH II Hash Trash – FLORAL FASCISM AND UNMENTIONABLES AT ISTANA WHITEBAIT – April 16th 2022
Bali HHH II Hash Trash
FLORAL FASCISM AND UNMENTIONABLES AT ISTANA WHITEBAIT – April 16th 2022
Hash Trash – FLORAL FASCISM AND UNMENTIONABLES AT ISTANA WHITEBAIT-16-04-22
Bali HHH II Hash Trash – PADDY PUTS ON A PAGEANT AT PAYANGAN BALI
Bali HHH II Hash Trash
PADDY PUTS ON A PAGEANT AT PAYANGAN BALI HHHII SATURDAY MARCH 19
The equinox is upon us and the seasons change. The Frog Hawks have headed off west and north, last heard screeching farewell the morning altor NIGHTJAR’S MAD MARCH HARE RUN ON 5th. Twice last week I noted steady drift of fluffy stratus north west which evaporated by lunch time; then by mid-afternoon sky leaden and lowering and pissing down. Relative humidity high, and hot hot hot. And so to PADDY’S PAGEANT way up in the hills, thro winding undulating lanes bordered by plantation and paddy (all sorts), stark black range of the ‘trompong’ from Watu Karu to Agung revealed on all sides. How will they all get here? But they did. Fantastic turnout for Paddy or PROST? Both it would seem. We now have RED pilsener and BLUE lager on top: which do you prefer? It was the green of MUSTAPHA SHITE’S floppy hat, however, which brought me up short. I’d forgotten all about PADDY – we all know of course that the Saint’s Day is March 17th – tell you what, TAFFY and GEORGY PORGY and ANDY PANDY will have a hard act to follow. Beautiful purple shirts – we’ve never had a purple shirt before – emblazoned with brilliant green mandala of mad Gadhelic March hare and BHHH2 on front, and on back BARNACLE BALLS – I mean who else? – GAYLICK – been on a mystical journey – GET LOST and LIMPET. But what about MONKEY BALLS? He was there. Too late said he to be accredited. Well, I do it now. And thankee most kindlily for IRISH STEW begorrah, containing inter alia two types of neep, and plaited palm scoops a nice touch. What about the run then, eh? I heard again FUCKING EXCELLENT, BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL BUT A BIT SLITHERY. Well what do you expect? Whose codden muddy bum do you prefer? Makes a change from suburban Eanes and derelict links innit? And welcome back PHEELTHY PHROGGE who, ignoring doctor’s orders, per formed at least seven down-downs, all most deservedly, and pronounced the best Irish jokes. Clever FROG. Variations of Rouget de Lisle’s MARSEILLAISE sung in his honour. Attend the S&M MAN next week.
PADDY PUTS ON A PAGEANT AT PAYANGAN BALI HHHII SATURDAY MARCH 19 PDF
Bali HHH II Hash Trash – A Hole in One
Bali HHH II Hash Trash
A Hole in One
SATURDAY FEB 12TH
Last Saturday we gathered to give the Last Rites to a venerable old Sanur institution, The Bali Beach golf course. Yes folks, it’s true, to those who did not attend this sad and funereal event, I’m horrified to report that its long slow burial has already begun after the poor bloody thing was sentenced to death at the stroke of a pen by gigantic multinational corporations and with the blessing of government members on extreme high.
On the other hand we had a great run, a huge piss up and basically a party with a picnic atmosphere on green and pleasant grounds surrounded by beautiful and no doubt respectably elderly trees. I dearly hope that at least some of them survive the onslaught of progress. There’s few enough left in Sanur these days as it is.
We owe the run and day to the ingenuity and thoughtfulness of Disco Wanker who conceived the whole shebang and worked like a Trojan to see it through – bloody good idea! Here’s to him and his fellow Hares, at least one of whom was
Hair Lip. It had to have been the most shortcutted run in the history of HHH2. After all we were on a golf course and if you couldn’t see the pack on the other side of the fairway or green, Blind Freddy, Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles would be merely myopic compared to you, and the Three Stooges merely dimwitted.
Things were more than slightly overgrown at this point but the care and nurture it takes to keep a course in good nick still lingered in things like the really cool wooden bridge that spanned a pond in the middle of one fairway, and some of the still untouched greens made one shake ones head at the sheer tragedy of what is about to engulf them. While admiring all this, you had to be on your toes to avoid earthmoving vehicles with swinging scoops. This was just the short, the long extended all the way to the old Taman Festival where some hardy souls did brave the putative crocodiles, wild boars, monitor lizards, velociraptors, pterodactyls etc.
The circle was an hilarious affair by the time the barrel of Prost Red was eagerly sampled and the regular Blue was generously wrapped around more-than-willing tonsils. All stripe of individuals were enlisted to conduct the merriment. Ex Hash Master Labia Majora (More tea vicar? More labia Major?) took the reins to introduce singers Spook and Organ Grinder). Disco Wanker had his way with virgins, returners and a poor little German fella who had about as much idea of what was going on around him as Dory the fish in “Finding Nemo”. Jangle Balls gave us a deadly medley of Dung Beatles songs (“I Saw Her Standing Bare”,”Get Pissed and Shout” etc.)
The unchallenged star of the day though had to be Wooden Eye’s breathtakingly unique head gear. I cannot remember for the life of me what was written on it, but I do recall it was glaringly crimson in colour and about the size of a hub cap for a 1960 Buick Electra including sidewalls. It spread joy wherever it went. Well, that’s all folks, at least some of you obeyed my “Bring a nine iron” edict even if they were seven irons, putters and chippers.
See you Saturday!
Guest ghost J.B.
HASH TRASH TWO TWO BLASTS FROM THE PAST OUT OF THE BLUE
BH32 TWO TWO BLASTS FROM THE PAST OUT OF THE BLUE
FEB 26 22
Get the PDF HERE
First there was JANGLE JINGLE JUNGLE (it said so on his shirt) BALLS. We were treated to a resplendent delivery of Doctor Jokes and pungent DUNG BEETLE songs, some distinctly curry flavoured tending to RING OF FIRE and general acclamation and approbation that set the tone of this evening’s circle. Where you been you bastard these past two two years? Walking up and down Pearl Hill Penang saud he. Welcome back and stay with us. OUR SOUL also, ebony stick and hofty pot to hand, ex Surabaya 13 which now non-existent one hears (and Jakarta 13 barely extant) – how are the mighty fallen – but BA LI HHHII stronger than ever thanks to HM WORM and an outgoing HASH MISMANAGEMENT. Who will keep this show on the road? Find out next week.
Here it not for WOODEN EYE’s mastery of the elements – thunder and lightning kept at bay and more sporadic sprinkling permitted to dampen, succeeded by spectacular orange sunset – the proceedings might not have prospered. As it was, the redoubtable trio of HA RES, to wit WHITEBAIT, HANDJOB and BARNACLE BALLS – we know them well – provided us with sublime if somewhat slithery trails of sensible length (4 & 8 kc) and all back by 18.00, save GUDANG and gismo in the sodden sawah: overheard such glowing encomia as bloody lovely and fucking excellent and super spray from apprentice layer KUMONYERBACK, TOILET TRASHER & BOUNCING CZECH celebrated birthdays (with Victor Hugo 1802) while A CUTE ANGINA was baptized by WOODEN EYE and BANG AWAY LULI paid her respects.
NIGHTJAR made mention of his MAD MARCH HARE run coming up on March 5th. Same venue as HUT 82 run in PENISTANDING KELOD. Bugger LIVE HARE but scenting from 15.30 to mitigate interference, many checks all ‘short back and sides’ and not more than 100 paces (75 yards): Tom Brown and Jungle Rules, scent @ 10 Paces: when it stops CHECK and shout loudly CHECKING and ON ON …… Single trail for artistic short-cutters.
Ononononononononononon
Bali HHH II Hash Trash CANIDAE AT KELIKI & CUCULIDAE IN KELOD
BALI HASH HOUSE HARRIERS II
HASH TRASH
CANIDAE AT KELIKI & CUCULIDAE IN KELOD
SATURDAY FEB 19 2022
Get the PDF HERE
There we was standing on the bitumen in the boiling heat like a spare prick at a wedding and the cars and bikes kicking up dirt whizzing by regardless – sod this for a game of soldiers – when up sped this gleaming limo and halted and a pretty young maid leaned out and said ‘Daddy, you look hot and bothered: are you mad standing out here in the sun?’ I tried to explain my predicament. ‘Don’t worry!’ said she, ‘I’ll take you: hop in.’ It was well past the OFF but there were a few bodies scattered under the vault of the vast bingin tree, and the bar was open.
My gaze arrested by a table groaning with a selection of Bali sweetmeats and guarded by STEPTOE & CHOCOLATE FINGER. They, it transpired, were the HARES. Wonderful run they all said between mouthfuls of sticky green stuff and rather rummy cider, though certain front-runners had had a hard time of dispensing with the attentions of a pack of craven curs, and pretty well everyone was brushing off a host of stinging smaragdina tree-ants (Bali semangah – vide p 95 of BUTTERFLIES). Kasty buggers. A big welcome back to HORNY HERRING who had arrived from Norway but the previous day and incarceration in Jakkers – divine but icy said he. Then there was EAT HER’S worse half returned after 30 weeks dredging salt from the Dead Sea. He will have to get back in PROST swilling shape to deserve a HASH monicker – how about DREDGENAUGHT? We celebrated STEPTOE & CHOCOLATE FINGER’S birthdays plus a few others including maestros of the performing arts thespian David Garrick (1717) and coloratura soprano Adelina Patti (1843). Wikipaedia got the date wrong – don’t bother.
Much noise and activity of both Drongo and Plaintive Cuckoos of late, Are they going somewhere? Also the Frog Hawks; they’ll be away to Cathay soon. And a rather sniffy letter from Neka Art Museum. NIGHTJAR’s Mad March Hare Run will be nearer home.
I need help – paper, signs and satays – thankee DEAD-WOOD.
