Hash Trash – Page 7 – Bali Hash House Harriers 2

Bali HHH II Hash Trash IMPRISONED IN THE RUINS AT NIEU KUNING

February 15, 2022/0 Comments/in Hash Trash /by Bali Hash 2 Hare Raiser

Bali HHH II Hash Trash

IMPRISONED IN THE RUINS AT NIEU KUNING

SATURDAY FEB 12TH

The mighty iron gate was closed and 110 key available to unlock it, while the scent terminated within. We’re not all as agile as for instance NIGHT CRAWLER who scaled the dizzy height time and again. Some pronged embellishments but no barbed wire nor crown jewels to protect. still a predicament; yet no worries said SNOWBALLER – he was the HARE ably assisted by HANDJOB – who proceeded to divert scent thro a side exit. An improvement in fact. Later within the precincts it was amusing to observe the front runners rushing up to find their way barred to the beer truck then being obliged to back-track. Effectively an unpremeditated check. They said the magnificent bridge over the river WOS was still intact NIGHTJAR’S 80th withstanding, but I never got so far.

Three events commemorated, of which two overlooked by yours truly. First the anniversary of 13 founder – Albert Stephen Ignatius G (Gispert with a soft G) – who perished in the Battle for Singapore on Feb 11th 1942. Both 69ER and and NIGHTJAR had attended HNB Memorial Runs for G at the Kranji Cemetery. We had G Memorial Runs and shirts for several years running. Remember? Then of course there was Valentine’s Day. Some chaps made an effort. AMAZON’S

tit patches were not a patch on his ARSE, and NIGHTJAR’S Macho Dyke look was not altogether pre possessing, or perhaps he was undergoing a sex change. Prettiest girl, despite lack of accessories, was undoubtedly SNOWBALLER … and thanks for superlative salmagundi. It was also the birthday of Darwin (1809) – Origin of Species/Natural Selection/Survival of the Fittest, etc. I mean – just take a gander at us lot – living proof of his postulations. I’m a Wallacean man myself: read The Darwin Conspiracy (Davies 108).

ononononon onononononononononon

Bali HHH II Hash Trash WANDERLUST AND WANTONNESS AT THE WATERWORKS

February 9, 2022/0 Comments/in Hash Trash /by Bali Hash 2 Hare Raiser

WANDERLUST AND WANTONNESS AT THE WATERWORKS

BAHH II HASH TRASH SATURDAY FEB 5 ‘22

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No trash last week! How could one be objective – subjective even – re such a do? Unprecedented PU with over 250 in attendance. More girls than boys stretched out on the grass. Can you visualize it? Today circa 100 at PD AIR MINUM, hot and sultry, bags of greensward and excellent parking, thanks to CLOSET QUEEN’S moist connections. It was PEARL NECKLACE’s actual birthday – Sir Robert Peel’s also – and he and MULTIGRIP, CLOSET QUEEN & ADJ were HARES. That’s enough HARES thank you. As to the conduct of the trail (10 or six k), very hot and sweaty, everyone caked in shiggy, little paper squares often undiscoverable, dodgy bamboo bridge dog unfriendly – all par for the course and not a single complaint. Happy Birthday PEARL NECKLACE and GUNG HEY FAT CHOY and DEW LAY SEE FAT to our Chinky chums, and thankee for delicious comestibles.

And welcome back CONCORD. Poor burger had been stuck in blighty for six months – dismal said he – but relieved by recreation of TOM BROWN’S HARD & HOUNDS paper-chase at Rugby, engineered by CONCORD & PENGUIN and attended by old friends including KLINGER and PHEELTHY PHROGGE. Sounds like a very good show. Well done Ron, hope to see you in Bali soon, if not at Port of Spain. Proceedings st PDAM mightily enlivened by CONCORD’S condom customization and PAK CU CANG (ex. Medan H3) and his SISTER BELINDA with bestial contribution from SPOOK, and barrage of screeching nightjars.

And speaking of our avian wonders, I was awakened before dawn a few days ago by a series of crashes in the hall. What on earth …? Dimly perceived in the rafters a large creeping entity: then I saw the long tail dangling, not furry but feathered – a Crow Pheasant or Coucal. Must have chased winged prey within; knocked over a few knick-knacks but no serious damage done. Su reports a troop of 50 long-tailed macaques in the valley where I laid the trail for my 82 years run. Refugees from the so-called Monkey Forest no doubt, and daily bands of monks visit kitchen, garden and temple, Knocked some tiles off the roof too – little buggers.

ON ON.

Bali HHH II Hash Trash CREEPY – AN EXCEEDINGLY GAY CABALLERO

January 28, 2022/0 Comments/in Hash Trash /by Bali Hash 2 Hare Raiser

Bali HHH II Hash Trash

CREEPY – AN EXCEEDINGLY GAY CABALLERO

Twenty two one twenty twenty two – auspicious or what? A splendid new run site near Tampaksiring, dominated by the second biggest bloomin’ banyan in the World – the first in Bongkasa, as we well know. Truly mighty this tree – a full God’s acre of embrangled boles and limbs supporting canopy 100 yards diameter and over 150 feet high. CREEPY WHITEBAIT, BARNACLE BALLS and HANDJOB, who specialize in these hilly regions, set a corker – but how could it be otherwise in such majestic surrounds. Sensible length and lots of good checks, mainly down and up, to keep the pack together, with walkers and runners reuniting on the home ward trail. Absolutely no serious complaints – when have there ever been any? – though some alleged that the scent was a bit thin after the split, and, being the colour of straw, not always so readily discernible. But – and a big BUT – the calling as usual was appalling. There are three customary calls – ON ON and CHECKING from front runners, and ARE YOU? by rest of pack when in doubt.

It is axiomatic that in order to keep the troops happy you must give them cause to complain. You never hear anyone complaining about the scope and conduct of our trails. Are we simply too undiscriminating and for bearing, or merely a bunch of masochists? I think it is because Bali begets tolerance even were there something to complain about. So CREEPY crept out of the carpentry, not surreptitiously but in stentorian style. Constantly bollocking his nearest and dearest (and everyone else for that matter) whilst dutifully replenishing our containers, I watched him down two in a flash like the discharge of a 12 bore double barrel shotgun. Later he confided that he hadn’t enjoyed himself so much in an age and intended to come more often. Please do. His mum SPLASH was not retiring either. Not content with three spectacular downdowns she provided us with brilliant home-made sausage rolls. Thank you. And thanks to SPOOK and ORGAN GRINDER for resurrecting that golden oldie MARONTO MARONTO MARIO.

Big week coming up: Monday booster jab – Makan Angin at FLY Wednesday – HUT MOUNT MY GROAN and Dead Fish at NURI’S on Thursday and Saturday the BIG BASH for BHHH II 30 YEARS and HUT NIGHTJAR at Bali Budaya Cultural Village at Br. Batusepih in Kemenuh.

See you all there.

Bali HHH II Hash Trash IBM AND BALDERDASH AT PURA DALEM JUNGJUNGAN

January 19, 2022/0 Comments/in Hash Trash /by Bali Hash 2 Hare Raiser

IBM AND BALDERDASH AT PURA DALEM JUNGJUNGAN

SATURDAY JAN 15

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ICE. You asked for it you wanker. And RA WOODEN EYE having satisfactorily disposed of looming rain clouds duly obliged. Such ordeal alleviated by the charming encumbrance of SCREWDRIVER. To have her sitting on you in any situation nothing less than sheer delight. We should do it more often. The headlined hares and their cohorts – HARELIP & TOILET TRASHER – were ensconced by the PROST dispensary when I arrived one hour and a half before the OFE. With taps already open and such convivial company, the balai seemed to fill in a flash., with tremendous turnout– good four kegger at least.

Lovely to see MOOSE GIVES HEAD and BLIND DOG still at it, and DANDY PANTS bringing up the rear. Huge attraction of virgin HASH HOUND POOF cradled in STEPTOE’s arms, after being rescued naked and dying in a ditch by CHOCOLATE FINGER but a few weeks! ago. The thylacine is alive and well in Bali. EAT HER yet again dishing out the Marlboro Lights. Thank you dear girl. But undoubtedly the star of greatest magnitude who stole the on tire show was WORM accompanied by NIGHT CRAWLER, illuminating all about. Arrived at the airport that morning fresh from the frozen wastes of snow bound up-state New York and incarceration! in HARRIS in Jakkers, where lodged on 23rd floor during a fairsized earthquake – ask WORM about it. Such devotion: welcome back, and hope to catch up with WORMHOLE and WRIGGLY soon.

Usual shenanigans engineered mostly by WOODEN EYE, SERIAL OFFENDER and DISCOWANKER, Since it was Hr Peristiwa Laut/Samudra it seemed that something nautical would be appropriate, So YWGMH offered Good Ship Venus which is basically a string of limericks and this degenerated into more of same, contributed by SPOOK and CONCRETE ERECTION. Always good to be reminded of the peculiar antics of such eminent dignitaries as the Bishops of Birmingham, LONDON and BUCKINGHAM, not to mention young ladies from North Carolina, the Azores and Kew Gardens. Sing us another one ….

Ononononononononononon

Bali HHH II Hash Trash SED FUGIT INTERES

January 12, 2022/0 Comments/in Hash Trash /by Bali Hash 2 Hare Raiser

Bali Hash House Harriers II Hash Trash

SED FUGIT INTERES

FUGIT INREPARABILE TEMPUS

KEEP ON TRUCKING

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Virgil got it right, tempus fug it. What day is it today pray tell? Doctor Suntri assures me that it is Sunday 9 January 2022 and I have no reason to disbelieve her. I seem to have missed a day or two somewhere along the line. On Thursday I thought it was Wednesday. On Friday Thursday. And it wasn’t till lunchtime yesterday that I realized it was Saturday – HASH DAY. Lord where is it? Doctor Suntri said she thought it was in Bangli: I seemed to recall otherwise. Lovely ladies in Reception couldn’t find map. No wheels handy. Like Virgil, I said fug it.

Poor show. They should put me on ice. I’ll show them how to do 1t. With pleasure. Meanwhile what else is there to report? I had a huge tailless pale pink female form of memnon – like Chinese agenor – and it seems that the Great Mormon may have as many as 5 wives here – laying willy-nally not only on citrus, but on ficus, anone and pineapple, and even on dead Thunbergis vine and concrete – really desperate. What will be the result. Problem is that all larvae and pupae in the garden are so heavily parasitized by ants and wasps, not to say scoffed by Bulbuls in all stages, that we may never know the outcome. But there may be more surprises in store: memnon has 7 or 8 vives scattered throughout SE Asia – even had Sumatran anceus here tother day (or I thought I had) – so keep your eyes open chaps. Anything is possible on this fabled island we inhabit.

A band of macaques terrorized everyone in kitchen and office last Tuesday. There were a dozen at least including infants in arms. They polished off a bunch of bananas and stripped a papaya quite bare – leaves, not fruit – then finding no eggs in the temple or other sustenance, simply disappeared. Poor buggers – no more tourists to depend on for hand-outs – which may be as well.

onon ononononononononononon

Bali HHH II Hash Trash NEW YEAR’S DAY 2022 BALI

January 6, 2022/0 Comments/in Hash Trash /by Bali Hash 2 Hare Raiser

Bali HHH II Hash Trash NEW YEAR’S DAY 2022 BALI

FROLICKING IX ARCADY SINGAPADU

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HAPPY NEW YEAR ARCADIAN WANKERS. It started off well enough at TAMAN BURUNG (TEGAL KEDIS), INFLATABLE BED MATE’S avian estate. We’ve run here many a tine; could CAPTAIN PENIS discover a novel passage? Together with MONKEY BALLS and ably assisted by PERIS COLLECTOR and MONKEY WENCH and virgin layer, mission accomplished. Well done chap, Flat as a pancake and usual green fields and fellows, but a new diversion the length of IBM’s south park wall that saw the pack back in good time and together. Indian summer yet prevailing thanks to RA WOODEN EYE. Our number, however, somewhat depleted since practically half our kennel had headed west to celebrate Hogmanay at Pemuteran and Pulau Menjangan. And why not? Lovely spot.

But why PENIS, you may well enquire? Something to do with old sailing boats: this PENIS should have an eye on the end of it, but be that as it may, traditionally today is CIRCUMCISION DAY. Also it happens to be the day for renewing your dog licence, generally ignored by Bali householders. Most importantly and by another astonishing concurrence January 1st 2022 was SIWA RATRI – dsy of fasting and introspection. It’ll never happen again. There were some notable contrapositions – I saw HARELIP extending a clutching hand and MOUNT ‘N GROAN lording it at centre stage. Might one assume that these hounds aspire to high office – GPU coming up soon. The acoustic properties not so hot, but given our diminished attendance, it mattered not. At some stage YWGMH delivered himself of an Elizabethan madrigal of his own composing that contained one naughty word only – QUIM’s not rude is it?

There ensued a medley of outpourings from nautical shanty to Mother Goose. There is a Tavern in the Town, Maggie Maggie May, Sweet Molly Malone, Drunken Sailor, Land of Hope and Glory – Whatever next? ON ON you ARCADIAN SERENADERS.

NIGHTJAR’S ELEGY IN A BALI COUNTRY GARDEN

December 29, 2021/0 Comments/in Hash Trash /by Bali Hash 2 Hare Raiser

NIGHTJAR’S ELEGY IN A BALI COUNTRY GARDEN &

Bali HHH II Hash Trash SUN 26 DEC 2021

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It all began with STEPTOE & CHOCOLATE FINGER’S gaf up the road, where a preponderance of HASHERS assembled for Christmas piss-up and exercised their limbs on the corkscrew staircase. Great view. Then to WORLD OF APUH, far from the madding crowd, for a few days to celebrate HARI NATAL en famille. Really heavenly and new baby in splendid form. Garden teeming with butterflies with eponymous Helena Birdwing predominating, loads of swallowtails – Banded and Swift Peacock, Great and Common Mormon – latter in copula with a fine pink morph – both female forms of Diadem bolina – Iphigenia and Proserpina – and masses of palm-flies, pansies and tigers in the borders. Couldn’t beat them off with a stick. And once more that rare variety of buttonquail (Small sylvatica) that pottered by the verandah while I was breakfasting on kampung chicken eggs. There were two of them, birds and eggs/quails in aspic.

And then (yesterday) the run on HARRY BOXERS. What an extravaganza. Perfect conditions – well done WOODEN EYE – on soft turf lawn of the HATTEN & TWO ISLANDS winery in Sanur, hard by the bypass road which was not traversed on this occasion. Huge turnout – well over one hundred, comprising many returners, most not seen for months on end including CANE RAT, DANCING QUEEN, OLD GOAT, DEAD MEAT, MUDDY MAN & GRITTY BALLS newly returned from blighty and ten days incarceration in Jakarta hotel. Welcome back. HARES SERIAL OFFENDER, HARELIP, AMAZON ARSE, MUDDY MAN and prepossessing paper bitch MUDDY GIRL did us proud, half the run not unexpectedly on the beach with no dearth of piss-stops for refreshment. So why were certain individuals penalized for patronizing them? But not undeservedly all Pommies hauled in for their shameful performance at the HASHES down-under. Disproportionately huge cake for WHILE YOU’RE DOWN THERE – Happy Birthday you Bastard: fantastic shirt of SANTA shitting on chimney pot designed by WOODEN EYE: delicious satays courtesy DEADWOOD: and degustation of Hatten’s latest productions. Wank you very crutch. Of course, it was Thomas Gray’s birthday (1716): his Elegy is the one poem every prep-school boy should be familiar with. He also wrote: When Ignorance is Bliss, ‘Tis Folly to be wise. ON ON & ON…..

BALI HHH II TRASH A NEW SLANT ON TAMAN BIJI GRIYA PUNGGUL

December 20, 2021/0 Comments/in Hash Trash /by Bali Hash 2 Hare Raiser

A NEW SLANT ON TAMAN BIJI GRIYA PUNGGUL WITH BHHHII

SAT 18 DEC

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POUNDING SAVELOY pre-empted the field and saved the day, then deigned to accompany me by the PROST pleasure wagon when I had been abandoned by everyone else. Truly heroic performance, both by him and HARES to wit: PAIN & PLEASURE, ORGAN GRINDER and DIP IT IN HONEY. What a privilege for the virgin latter layer to be introduced by veterans whose knowledge of the area is peculiar and extensive. It should be noted that the trail today was entirely different from that laid by LABIA a few weeks ago. P&P had evidently put in something like six recces and made contingent provision for flash floods by installing safety lines at river crossing, though thanks to RA WOODEN EYE these proved unnecessary and wonderful Indian Summer conditions persisted. No denying though that it was excruciatingly hot at midday in that river valley, so that at least one HARE was obliged to desist protem from grinding his organ. The long tunnel (80 yards or so) occurring on the long run was allegedly swirling with bats or more probably a host of little swiftlets that take up residence in in old irrigation works, or then again they may have been a squadron of huge mosquitos, No complaints whatever, though some serious damage occasioned by the narrow balk bashing at later stages, then yet again one might opine that peasants are better occupied with repairing these than drinking and gambling.

Very good turnout with over 100 in attendance, but IBM hors de combat with fractured fibula and WORM celebrating Christmas with family in the Catskills. Have a good one. SERIAL OFFENDER took charge and reminded everyone that next week’s run will be on Boxing Day rather than on Hari Natal when many will be preoccupied with other things. DISCOWANKER provided excellent entertainment by inviting foreigners such as Norwegians and Hungarians who speak no known language to tell us in their native tongues (as if we were not aware already) that BALI HASH HOUSE HARRIERS TWO is unequivocally the best HASH in the universe. Some extraodinary utterances brilliantly mimicked by old DASH. What fun. YWGMH rudely spatchcocked by HARELIP purporting! to remind us of the Hari Natal of certain nonentities. We should be concerned only with those of royal blood and historic significance. By the way, HARE NATAL coincides with TUMPEK KRULUT – once yearly Tintinnabulation Day – unprecedented, JINGLE BELLS, ON ON.

BALI HHH II TRASH INDIAN SUMMER HIGH IN THE HILLS

December 13, 2021/0 Comments/in Hash Trash /by Bali Hash 2 Hare Raiser

BALI HHH II TRASH INDIAN SUMMER HIGH IN THE HILLS

SATURDAY 11TH DECEMBER

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Heavenly weather given slight eastward drift though it did pigs down last night – everything so fresh and green and round each bend a new pastel picture postcard. Rescued by RINGTAIL and 69ER from the FLY where small beer 40 thou – bit steep in this xi omicronpi Cauldron of unaccountability don’t you think – and transported home by STEPTOE and CHOCOLATE FINGER accompanied by BELLA, STRAWBERRY BLONDE & GINGER – such a lucky fellow. So what happened in between? Does anyone really wish to know? At one stage I found myself alone with only the HARES and PROST bartenders, all the nice girls having dutifully sloped off over the horizon. Someone must have had a word. Lovely to see BLIND DOG again. Sensible and well laid trail – well signed also – which saw all back (including HORNY HERRING) by 18.00. Well done MUSTAPHA SHITE (virgin lay) with BARNACLE BALLS, HANDJOB, and newly christened CHECKBACK CHARLIE. Absolutely no complaints whatsobleedinever. Good accoustics in this bedeg insulated wantilan, where SERIAL OFFENDER came over loud and clear and even YWGMH could be heard baptising CHECKBACK CHARLIE and deflorating a panoply of virgins (in the absence of WOODEN EYE) as well as shriving reticent maiden whose name I wish I could recall. Then a simple song for simple souls – OH SIR JASPER – She’s a most delightful lady.

What’s in a name? A nose by any other name would smell a rat! Since I was asked by DISCO WANKER to clarify origins and informed all the world that BUNTER (ex Cambridge & Bali Hash) awarded me NIGHTJAR in the mid-eighties, I must own to other appellations over the years. First PROFESSOR pronounced by the inscrutable ROOTER at the outset. In Tokyo where I ran twice only it was BURLINGTON BARTIE by NIGGER, ash-blond second sec of the Brit Emb. HASH PLICK from PJ ANIMALS, HASH WOG in Cambridge Mismanagement, and RED-EYE VIC, clear association with DEAD-EYE DICK and MEXICAN PETE and doubtless overindulgence in all the good things in life with the splendid SONGKHLA HASH with whom I ran on many occasions. I never did get a name in SING where it all began. But no one had official HASH names in those days. I’ve been called a few other things besides, but never mind.

on onon on on onononononononon

BALI HHHII HASH TRASH – A HISTORY LESSON AT DARMASARBA

December 9, 2021/0 Comments/in Hash Trash /by Bali Hash 2 Hare Raiser

BALI HHHII HASH TRASH

A HISTORY LESSON AT DARMASARBA

SATURDAY 4TH DEC 2021

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It was pissing down at Krobokan on the coast and up in the hills, but WOODEN EYE’s elemental mastery ensured a dry spell hereabouts. And there was the entire population clad in white and parading the barong and song and heading to the same destination. So it wasn’t before the village elders were knocking it back with the rest of us. The Brahman headman, whose father was a pedanda, entertained us with an account of the temple’s 1,200 years old history – most illuminant – then downed a draught like a drayman. Most cordial and splendid show. He had been well briefed by our principal hare, none other than TOILET TRASHER whose debut lay it was, ably assisted by HARELIP and AMAZON ARSE, the latter first back on his tod, tothers allegedly being resuscitated in the local massage parlour. Bully for them.

As to the conduct of the trail, nothing epochal, but one methodical front runner counted over 100 paces between paper positings that may or may not have been intended as a forward check according to Jungle Rules. A useful exercise anyway for aspiring native arithmeticians. No serious complaints, though a little extra paper would not come amiss, no matter what BLOW JOE might say. Where he by the way?

Usual blethering mob in the wantilan did not improve the acoustical quality of the occasion and SERIAL OFFENDER (in lieu of WORM still swanning about in Sumba) was obliged to bellow, as was WOODEN EYE when deflorating virgins, nubile and blinking. Naughty EAT HER, disrespectful as ever, iced and shriven by YWGMH and Mr Bengelstein comprehensively. I believe she actually enjoys it. And following the request of that tall foreign fellow with the smelly motor-car who forces us to drink more PROST than is probably good for us – YWGMH delivered No Balls At All with rousing choral accompaniment. It was of course Tilem Kenam Night of the Black Moon, exceedingly auspicious and cause for enhanced celebration with four kegs and circa 100 in attendance. But I never did get as far as any massage parlour. How was it?

on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on …