Bali Hash II Hash Trash ST ANDREW’S DAY RUN at JUNGJUNGAN

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Bali Hash II Hash Trash

ST ANDREW’S DAY RUN at JUNGJUNGAN

SATURDAY 27 NOV

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One wondered why MOUNT N’ GROAN and COMING ROUND THE MOUNTAIN were not sopping. It had been pissing down from lunchtime to our arrival at the run site at four about – (thank you AMAZON ARSE & HARELIP for getting me there) – but the clever devils had finished laying by midday and spent the interval preparing the pipes and haggis and single malt. Amazingly, despite WOODEN EYE’s absence (again), it had ceased even to mizzle by 16.30. The omniscience and omnipresence of our RA passeth understanding. Two two two sensible sorties mostly level pegging with several check-backs and one look-around saw everyone back by six, but it was slithery – of course it bleedin’ well was – especially that early descent to Buffalo Creek. Mud mud glorious mud.

What with the Blue Tooth Bagpipers, Scotch Broth and incomparable selection of single malts, including privileged sips from the flask of phenol with hints of dead fish, tarpaulins and puffin shit, you’d think we’d be awash with Highlanders – wasn’t THE PENGUIN slated to appear? – but ’twere all bloody Sassenachs and Foreigners. Yet Scots and Scotch Eggs notwithstanding omni vivum ex ovo. And we all are aware that St Andrew’s Day is actually on Nov 30 aren’t we? This was as near as we could get. All HASH hagiographers kindly note once and for all- Taffy Mar 1, Paddy Mar 17, George Apr 23, Andrew you know already. Cor blimey.

In the absence of so many HASH dignitaries, DISCOWANKER and LABIA did the honours including defloration of virgins most assuredly. YWGMH was called upon to do some shriving and even recite all 37 verses of the Ballad of Sir Patrick Spens and some FROG Joke in which the principal ingredients were a peasant, a widow, a goose, two chickens, a bucket and a tine of paint. Merci beaucoup. Welcome WANKING TEACHER ex Macassar HHH and farewell to CHLAMYDIA. Whose birthday was it? Who baked the cake? Not NO DEPOSIT for sure. I wound up with a breast and no nipple. Tuff titty.

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27TH ANNUAL VICTOR AWARDS AT JIMBARAN BAY BEACH RESORT

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27TH ANNUAL VICTOR AWARDS AT JIMBARAN BAY BEACH RESORT NOV 19TH

Hash Trash PDF HERE

 

The sky was lowering battleship grey on the western seaboard as we motored over Benoa Bay on the toll road, putting one in mind of that interminable bridge between New Orleans and Biloxi, but far more scenic. Arrived at the hotel, a perfunctory bed-splitting operation admirably executed by amiable chambermaids, then to sundeck coincident with bar opening at 17.00 – perfect timing. Mismanagement team only? I don’t think so. HORNY HERRING where you been? Alfresco activity all-encompassing, notably at bar and bandstand: resplendent spread of damask rose and gleaming tablewares. Fresh offshore breeze and band tuning. Should keep the black at bay.

But the winds were contrary, and the elements encircling. Offshore breeze submerged in advancing curtain of rain. Pandaemonium. Pity the bandsmen – all that heavy gear just set up, and no cover. Try to keep out of their way. Stand under the awning next to lavatories. Total saturation. Woodstock – where you there – without the mud…. Adjourn to room and wait out the storm with INFLATABLE BEDMATE, JOROCK, WOODEN EYE, WORM, AMAZON ARSE and WOLF, the latter taking my arm over tiled floor like skating rink. Thankee kindly.

On re-emergence everything moved indoors. Bar still open, Let the party recommence. Scintillating show. Spectacular costumes โ€“ best dressed award to STEPTOE. Some vital statistics:- 225 registered, 75,000,000 in raffle prizes, plus VICTOR AWARDS – did I get one? – and 14 by 30 litre kegs of beer PROST. And never mind the stickies. Who wasn’t pissed? Hangover recovery run next day at YETI’S WhiteSands Beach Bar with 60 in attendance and three more kegs demolished – not bad going at all, since 50% abstaining. Best circle ever despite absence of WOODEN EYE. And following day full mounty Canadian breakfast also chez YETI. First rate? Actually, it was English. Kudos to all, especially most charming and efficient hotel staff contending with the animals of BALI HASH HOUSE HARRIERS TWO. We shall return.

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

27TH ANNUAL VICTOR AWARDS AT JIMBARAN BAY BEACH RESORT

Bali HHH II Hash Trash – WHITEBAIT & FRIENDS AT BR. CALO

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Bali HHH II Hash Trash

WHITEBAIT & FRIENDS AT BR. CALO

Saturday NOVEMBER 13

Hash Trash PDF HERE

 

As it so happened WHITEBAIT wound up with only one friend on this occasion – BARNACLE BALLS in fact – and that was quite sufficient to provide the pack with a superb well-checked chase which saw all back the PROST truck within 90 minutes and most in an orderly bunch sensibly less. PAIN & PLEASURE registered under 5 k on the short though front runners must have done a good 6.

It was a long way up past the presidential palace at Tampaksiring and P & P also told me it took him an hour and 20 minutes from Sanur – it would have taken a couple of hours with pre-covid traffic congestion. So there we were (where I’ve never been before) at this wonderful site, surrounded by magnificent trees, including gigantic Ficus and Pulรฉ (Alstonia spp known vernacularly as cheese-wood) and unusually denuded African Tulip under which WHITEBAIT had recently trod upon a carpet of scarlet monkey-cups. A cuckoo-Shrike vented piercing whistles – kleep at intervals from the copse’s canopy. Hadn’t heard one of those in a long while. Yes, so there we were, under the wide and starry sky, with moon well advanced in third quarter – it will be full on Friday 19th at VICTOR AWARDS and eclipsed into the bargain so don’t missit – succeeding delicately tinted pink and orange sunset – simply heavenly. It was, by the way, the birthday of RL Stevenson (1850) whose Requiem delivered by YWGMH was not altogether solemnly received by the usual inattentive audience of ravening hounds. The most delicious ham and pea soup provided by SPLASH revived flagging energies and I did not see anyone forego a second helping. Bravo.

En passant I enquired of MRS PALMER, who never ages, why WHITEBAIT was unable to count HANDJOB among his FRIENDS on this fine occasion… Sheer indolence it would appear, but will he be persuaded to descend to Tom Tiddler’s Ground and attend and attend our VICTOR AWARDS then? One does hope so. Who knows but he might merit an award?

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Bali HHH II Hash Trash - WHITEBAIT & FRIENDS AT BR. CALO

Bali Hash 2 Hash Trash DEADWOOD & BARNACLE BALLS AT THE ELEPHANT PARK

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Bali Hash 2 Hash Trash during the Time of Covid

DEADWOOD & BARNACLE BALLS AT THE ELEPHANT PARK

It was sheeting down between Keliki and Brasela but miraculously cleared up just as the procession hit us. Fleet of motorbikes and trucks bearing celebrants, performers, orchestras, icons and cavalcade of motorcars, 15 minutes pause to gape at all beauty whizzing by. Of course, nobody walks anymore, but the bands were tail-gating like the jazz revival. Spectacular. I remember a grassy track and everyone parading in their finery, especially the girls bedecked in floral crowns and heavily bejewelled with chains of gold coins – such a wealth of beauty. Past Brasela, the road was bone dry. Localised island maritime insular micro climate – not infrequently one side of the road wet, the other dry; but the wet is setting in from the West, and elemental lightning and thunder and pissing down today (Nov 1st).

Now Nov 222 – had to stop, couldn’t see SFA. Where were we? It’s a long way to trip to Taro, but certainly worth the effort. A little bird (RINGTAILed tit I think) told me not less than 85 signed up. Brilliant spot – lush turf encompassed by temples and trees, squirrels, elephants and albino bovids, and KBO IWO’S resting place justtup the road, Extremely wise HARES, hallowed be their names – BARNACLE BALLS, HANDJOB & WHITEBAIT – scented trails of 8 and 5 k with checks that kept the pack together, not so easy in such terrain. Bloody well done. So, what did DEADWOOD have to do with it? It was the Bavarian Bastard’s Birthday and no mistake – delicious saucisse and sauerkraut as well as proper pretzels, and the coup de grace – Kraut rum made from apples. Now I would call that Calvados (after the Pays Norman), and very good indeed it was: and when I asked for (was actually offered) a refill, the bottle was empty. So why DEADWOOD? A forester by trade he intimated. I heard HORNY HERRING spout discontent concerning his name, I think it is excellent and suits him admirably. HASH names are immutable, but I must admit to being other than NIGHTJAR on some other HASHES – but who really cares?

Bali Hash 2 Hash Trash DEADWOOD & BARNACLE BALLS AT THE ELEPHANT PARK Bali Hash 2 Hash Trash DEADWOOD & BARNACLE BALLS AT THE ELEPHANT PARK Bali Hash 2 Hash Trash DEADWOOD & BARNACLE BALLS AT THE ELEPHANT PARK Bali Hash 2 Hash Trash DEADWOOD & BARNACLE BALLS AT THE ELEPHANT PARK

RETURN OF THE GREY FROG HAWK, PROST & BALI HHH II

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Bali Hash House Harriers 2
Hash Trash During the Time of COVID
Trash Scribe: Nightjar
RETURN OF THE GREY FROG HAWK, PROST & BALI HHH II
OCTOBER 23rd

They’re back. The Grey Frog Hawks (Chinesee Sparrowhawk / Goshawis: Tachyspiza (Accipiter) soloensis – call it what you will) – late afternoon on Tuesday 19th Okt I heard that high-pitched staccato squeal and actually saw the bird alighting on a palm frond. But the moment I trained my bins on it, the Frog Hawk shot off in the direction of Ubud Monkey Forest, where it may well be hanging out this Boreal winter season. This morning (Okt 24) there were two birds in the garden, both calling and clearly related. Since I moved to the southern banjar of Penistanding 20 something years ago I’ve been recording the arrival of these palaearctic migrants each year as well as their departure, and the coincidence of dates seems uncanny. They herald the changing of the seasons – yet can it get any wetter? Why do I persist in calling them Grey Frog Hawks? I will tell you; because they are grey and eat frogs mostly, and Bali has superabundance of them, which is why they stop over here – or many of them do – for the duration.

Delightful interlude at Putu Kembung’s place in Teges to try out a new beer – PROST – on Friday, to prime us for Saturday’s run. As a BINTANG loyalist for over 50 years (in spite of everything), and since I got them to sponsor us those many years ago, I must admit to having mixed feelings about changing. But I know full well what a merry dance they’ve led us of late, and ever since was appointed CEO – remember him? – and the rot started setting in, I’ve experienced it too. So, yes, I like PROST and will be happy to try it out again and again. When I got home last night – thanks indeed to BAKED BEAN and his beautiful children – I found BHHH2 3p proposal obviously compiled by persons with brains and good taste – a rare combination amongst HASHERS in general.

The run? Breathtakingly brill near Tegallalang by Tukad Kungkang and thro C.Xiii Telaga Waja complex of temple and water basins, truly divine and still not easy of access except to persevering HASHERS. The last 200 yards of underground irrigation canals most refreshing after a hard slog. Well done Two STROKE and SHORT SHAFT and congrats on your 14th wedding anniversary. A triumphal and well attended celebration at which WOODEN EYE was more than mere PAPER BITCH. And not forgetting EAT HER’s bunga pacah show.

 

Bali Hash 2 Hash Trash HORNY HERRING AT TAMAN MUMBAL

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Bali Hash House Harriers 2

Hash Trash During the Time of COVID

Trash Scribe: Nightjar

BH32 HORNY HERRING AT TAMAN MUMBAL

SATURDAY 16TH OCTOBER 2021

I wasn’t there, so what can I say about it, save that if HORNY HERRING was HARE it must have been a good show? You knew of course that it was Tumpek Uduh and saw to it that all your trees were well adorned. And I hardly need to tell you that it was Hari Pangan Sedunia (World Food Day) when we are bound to consider the starving masses of sub-Saharan Africa. Most notably for us aesthetes it was the birthday of Eugene LONG DAYS JOURNEY INTO NIGHT O’Neill (1888) – greatest Septic playwright of all and Nobel Laureate of Literature.

So why wasn’t I there? You don’t really want to know. Suffice to say here that mid-week saw another HASH happening, and at my advanced stage of years once a week does me. Yes, it was LABIA’s Birthday Run on Oct 14th up in the hills at BALI TREKK Aumann – a right perisher – of 14 k continuous trail and start when you feel like it in dribs and drabs. Not really an exercise in togetherness. Perfect conditions however and excellent attendance (considering distance from home), of mostly FROGS and KRAUTs who have well known masochistic tendencies. NAUGHTY NURI took our dosh most courteously and I thought that CHICKEN SHIT’s conduct of the circle quite admirable. He of course is JOINT MASTER of BH3 with LABIA and the rumour that he was starting a BH2III has no foundation what-so-bleeding-ever. For the undoubted edification of the FROG contingent I contrived to give them BRAVE MARGOT – not the Brassens aversion mais peu plus paillard even, and we were all reminded that General and President IKE Eisenhower was born on this very day – also 1888. May you live an hundred years and drink a million beers – Get plastered you bastard, Happy Birthday to you. Thank you dear LABIA.

UTAMI too, CO-HARE et fondateur de la fete avec circonflexe, I don’t think, by the way, that it can be Melati Belanda, vernacularly known as Chinese Honeysuckle, a creeper with red flowers; more likely a kind of Brunfelsia (‘Yesterday-today-and-tomorrow’) bush with blue and white flowers. But bugger that, the fact of Javan Munias nesting within an inch of your BINTANG and elbow is nothing short of miraculous. Two two two clutches of five eggs, said UTAMI. How wonderful. Serpent Eagle heard first thing and screeching chloris (Kingfisher) too too too.

BH32 HORNY HERRING AT TAMAN MUMBAL BH32 HORNY HERRING AT TAMAN MUMBAL BH32 HORNY HERRING AT TAMAN MUMBAL

BALI H3 AT BALI CC NYUH KUNING WITH BLOW JOE SATURDAY OCTOBER 9

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BALI H3 AT BALI CC NYUH KUNING WITH BLOW JOE

HASH TRASH SATURDAY OCTOBER 9 Scribe: Nightjar

BCC – no, not Bombay Cricket Club – but Bali Cultural Centre (or what’s left of it). A vast complex of roadways and buildings in an unbelievable state of dereliction, but the rot was setting in pre-covid already. What a scandalous waste of public funds and perfect site for a meet of the celebrated BALI HASH HOUSE HARRIERS II. And what a triumph for our indefatigable HARES – BLOW JOE & PUSSY DELIVERY & ICEHOLE who had obviously put in a lot of time and effort to create a somewhat belated American Independence Day Run. Never too late for food and drink and fun and games. The trail led through the fields and over the raging river Oos or Wos on reconstructed bamboo bridge (almost as good as mine which was swept away last year in a flood), through equally dilapidated Hotel Michi, now inhabited by Russky squatters – scene of our previous piss-stop – remember? – and finally on in thro the ruins, Front 10k runners back in one hour twenty which about par for the course and most 5 k stumblers within the hour.

Excuse me, BEER MASTER, but the keg should have been broached for any sweaty hasher who got back even well within the hour. Not a single complaint, excepting our worthy RA who swept aside by discourteous and inarticulate over-takers and suitably chastised, but why was YWHMH WORM sat on ice? – must have sinned most grievously and was shriven by YWGMH – who else? – and demurred most graciously, with diffident and discreet display of crack. No one could think of any appropriate septic songs, so we wound up with slitty-eyed Me No Likey Blitish Sailor Yankee Pay Five Dollar More. That’ll do, and off to CAFE BOHEMIA on on on, with our redoubtable HARES and antediluvian stoners, accompanied by Louis Jordan jumpin’ – What’s The Use Of Gettin’ Sober When You Gonna Get Drunk Again? Excellent.

I forgot to mention that I had a Peaceful or Zebra Dove at Helena’s last week. Don’t see too many of these persecuted performers about these days. The Houani white mangoes are going from pink to gray. and the rambutan from green to fiery red and orange. They’ve begun to harvest rice in fields adjacent which I thought were planted last week. How can that be? Bordel de virus. Tempus fugit. ON ON.

Bali Hash House Harriers 2 Hash Trash SATURDAY OCTOBER 9 Scribe: Nightjar Bali Hash House Harriers 2 Hash Trash SATURDAY OCTOBER 9 Scribe: Nightjar Bali Hash House Harriers 2 Hash Trash SATURDAY OCTOBER 9 Scribe: Nightjar Bali Hash House Harriers 2 Hash Trash SATURDAY OCTOBER 9 Scribe: Nightjar Bali Hash House Harriers 2 Hash Trash SATURDAY OCTOBER 9 Scribe: Nightjar

Bali Hash II Hash Trash – BLUNDERS BIRDS & BUTTERFLIES

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BLUNDERS BIRDS & BUTTERFLIES

SATURDAY OCTOBER 2, 2021

Poor old fart fucked up again. It wasn’t COME ON YER BACK for God’s sake; it was DANDY PANTS ex PEKING H3. And it wasn’t Bushh it was Brush Cuckoo you wanker, renamed apparently Rusty-breasted Cuckoo but who cares? bleedin’ taxonomists. I first heard the typical Plaintive Cuckoo call – tea for three times three – but instead of stopping at three it went up to ten. Hysterical it seemed and I thought no more about it. I was reminded of the time when I walked many years ago with my father in the Cuckmere Haven which runs between Beachy Head and the Seven Sisters. It was a patchy day following stormy night and the fields were full of sheltering waders. Suddenly a Cuckoo called nearby. but instead of delivering a single cuc-coo, it went on and on, and we counted 160 calls in one minute as we watched it perched on a telephone wire ten yards away. Then it flew off and we saw it no more. Absolutely hysterical, never heard anything like it, nor had my father in 70 odd years. Back now to my garden in Bali a week ago and I heard the first three notes of the plaintive Cuckoo’s cadence call, followed by 12 similar notes descending, so I realized at once that ye had here a Brush Cuckoo (or whatever else you may wish to call it). It was only the second time I’d heard it in Ubud in 40 odd years, though I know the bird well from higher up in the hills and from lowland forestt edge in Negara.

Three heavenly days at my daughter’s eco-resort in Marwang to celebrate new grandson’s first birthday, where the garden was bristling with flies including Swift Peacocks and Diadems (see Hypolimnas spp in Butterflies of Bali) and where I had my second sighting in 50 years of Small Buttonquail which was pottering about on the path next to my bungalow barely 10 feet away. Amazing. I see Barred Buttonquail everywhere all the time and that is the bird you nearly step on before it whirrs away. Good old WORM picked me up from my daughter’s place – we’ll do another run from there one day, and there is now an Olympic-sized swimming pool – and brought me to Lungsiaka ‘n and 69ers birthday run – a brilliant stroll thro the fields and newly rock-carved gorges north of Ubud and, best of all, that nameless temple fronted by giant lychee trees and guarded by huge stone crab in its grassy outer court. Thank you SERIAL OFFENDER and 69ER – you must have been a babe in arms in Canberra in 869.

 

Bali Hash II Hash Trash - BLUNDERS BIRDS & BUTTERFLIESBali Hash II Hash Trash - BLUNDERS BIRDS & BUTTERFLIESBali Hash II Hash Trash - BLUNDERS BIRDS & BUTTERFLIES

BALI HA HA HA DUA ABOVE ALL ELSE

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BALI HA HA HA DUA ABOVE ALL ELSE

SATURDAY 25TH SEPTEMBER 2021

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Actually Sunday today but who cares? First hangover in an age. Yesterday BALI HHHII celebrated one of the most spectacular chases of all time, courtesy of that redoubtable trio BARNACLE BALLS lead HARE, WHITEBAIT & HANDJOB, latter modestly claiming to be PAPER BITCHES merely. Bollox. Yes, it was wet and slithery, but the HARES had sensibly laid seven and four k trails from start at 16.00 thus allowing time for bird-spotters, pristine scenery gazers and padi stumblers to preserve their equanimity. Even HORNY HERRING got in before dark. Wonderful show and turnout, practically all the good old familiar phizogs plus several enthusiastic virgins, de flowered by YWGMH, though we missed WOODEN EYE’s deft handling of same. Admirable circle conducted by DISCOWANKER who – shhhh don’t tell everyone, has unearthed mint copy of BALI HASH film, produced for INTERHASH ’88, and proposes screening chez INFLATABLE BEDMATE presently. Bring beer. YWGMH contrived to redeem himself with THE GODDAM ISLES and the fascinating info that LUCKNOW DAY (1857) anniversary was at hand and CHARLES COCHRANE (Sir Charles if you please), possibly the greatest impresario of any age as well as Director of the ALBERT HALL for many years was born on this very day (1872). The greatest attraction may well have been tarted up VW mobile gin palace of KUMONYERBAK, replete with all conceivable modcons including debauchee divans, mahogany bar and bidet, wholly illuminated by oscillating fairy lanterns. Whadda trip man. And the original WORM dustily awaits combustion. Although WORM had prescribed SOCIAL DRINKING, absolutely no one was of a mind to disperse, so another keg was broached and the party went ON ON. Some avian observations – phalanges of egrets flying south of west instead of north of east over my gaff at close of day – why for God’s sake: has the heronry at Petulu been razed? I had four kinds of cuckoo in the garden on Thursday – Crow Pheasant, Drongo, Bush and Plaintive. How about that? DOWN DOWN the BLOG BLOGGER.

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BALI HA HA HA DUA ABOVE ALL ELSE

 

BHHH II HASH TRASH: INCONSEQUENTIAL NOTE FROM BALI

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INCONSEQUENTIAL NOTE FROM BALI

SUNDAY 19TH SEPTEMBER, 2021

Loads of bee-eaters skimming overhead in an easterly direction. These are the Blue-tailed variety, returning to their Austral summer residence in the Lesser Sunda Isles, New Guinea and Queensland. I wonder where they’ve been – Hainan, Andamans, Mandalay – our wizard aerialists. They herald the changing of the seasons, as they have done for millions of years: in a few days will be the autumnal equinox in northern hemispherical terms, and astronomically speaking autumn begins now and ends at the winter solstice, Of course it’s the other way round here (though I see the similarities) and our days will now be getting longer – not a huge variation at eight degrees south, half an hour’s extra daylight maybe, Definitely more sunshine to run in, but we still seem to be in lockdown, though I’m informed that we’re all green now, whereas Java remains red. Still no tourists and the rumour is spreading amongst the Balinese, many of whose lives depend on tourism, that it is a deliberate ploy by the federal government to punish us for being so popular. Though this sounds somewhat hypothetical since most of the five star hotels are owned by Jakarta bigwigs or kleptocrats. Or so I am told.

Whatever, unseasonable weather we’ve been having lately. Definitely more rain than usual – rather like April showers, though the showers here tend to be heavier. Pak Landi, husband of Ibu Mariani who runs my local boozer, surprised me the other day by opening our conversation with a comment on the wetness – Balinese don’t usually do that like us lot. In Bali Hash I wrote – “The English climate can play odd tricks: it is its very unpredictability that is the basis of our conversational gambits and the source of our most common complaints,” Global warming or just a longer precipitational cycle than usual? They say CHICKEN SHIT (or is it GIZZARD?) has started another HASH – BALI HASH III – is this true? If so, ON ON chaps – lots of good checks, and beer of course. Oh and by the way, Bali Hash House Harriers II will be running again!!!!

Onononononononononononononononon

HASH TRASH AND TREES AT MONKEY RIVER KEMENUH