July 2013 | By: The Scrutable Scribe
Stop all that Infernal Mambaling
Location, location, location, yessiree Bob, that's what brought them out in numbers this time in (I won't say a long but definitely an awaited) return to higher elevations and one of HHH2's most beloved run sites from the Mambal swimming pool. There were more hashers than you could shake a Bintang truck at and as we entered the parking lot two things were blindingly (aaaarrrggghhh!) obvious 1) there would be thilly thircle behavior aplenty in the forms of Night Jar, Labia, Wooden Eye, Disco Wanker, Col. Bloodnok, Jangle Balls, Blow Joe, Spook even – more than the usual coven of idiots (no offence) 2) (remember 1?) the beer would run out early. Presciently enough, this is exactly what came to pass, but first the run. No wait, first a small tangent - 10°, but seriously folks: hares, signage is to help hashers find your site; f.f's sake use it, especially on main roads.
As we followed an uncertainly wobbling Blow Joe on his trail bike in the wrong direction, we sighted a few early starters who, like me, probably foresaw the swiftly dwindling beer problem and were doing what they deemed necessary to get their fair share. These inordinately thirsty ones, in the tradition of hash discretion, shall not be "fingered" (Long and Strong and Jack Shit), too late. Now where were we? The run took its usual path up the concrete steps along the valley's edge and down, down into and across the river, brrrrrr, nippy enough to remind one that one was still alive and kicking. This is a great run as most of us, even we curmudgeons, would agree: gently sun dappled forest paths (in a kind of Enid Blyton/Agatha Christie way), electric green padis, colourful fields of offering flowers, watermelon and head high pandanu fields – cool bananas! Yes, them too. My favourite part of this run is always the long trot past the wide and flowing concrete canal with its huge bamboo stands on the other side and the neatly clipped, well kept area around the small weir that I'm sure has a local name but of which I am abysmally ignorant. Apologies to the Mambal Small Weir Council. It was a bit of a long short but nobody was complaining.
I don't want to keep any body in a museum here, but zounds, the back blocks of Bali (in this case Mambal) are being developed faster than you can say "bebek betutu". We ran past new houses and new schools on new roads all of which were under construction. Japanese earth moving vehicles were lying around everywhere like a giant's discarded toys waiting for Monday to fire up again. What's going to become of this beauteous isle? Will it all be one huge ugly - arse Badung full of motorbikes, car dealerships, chickens, dogs, mini marts - and lest we forget, villas and spas from Kuta to Singaraja? I dunno, but I've got a sneaking suspicion we've already seen the best of it.
Enough sniveling, back at the car nursery a Cecil B. De Million of us were beaten into a roughly round shape and Labia dispensed justice on the usual offending visitors, virgins and various vastrels. Disco Wanker demonstrated the genetic evolution of hashers employing further various specimens. Night Jar held sway followed by Col. Bloodnok who ferreted out Sylvio Berlusconi who was on the run from the Italian authorities. Jangle Balls held forth with a diatribe on the genetic shortcomings of the royal family and crooned a few Dung Beatles numbers such as "The Long and Winding Pubes". Blow Joe miraculously recalled the lyrics to "In Mobile", where they are all a bunch of arseholes, ably assisted by back up vocalists Night Jar, Spook, Night Jar and Spook. It took all night for Monkey Balls to remember the punch line of an Irish two liner: "If you can guess how many donuts are in this bag, I'll give you both of them."
As foretold in ancient scriptures, the piss ran out and the Beer Master took great delight in acting like an Irish publican at closing time, though he didn't look too much like one being as he is predominantly Chinese (Patrick Lo Fat Wow Mc Gillacuddy). Great run, great circle, I'll give it four watermelons out of four Mitsui backhoes and two mini steam rollers.
On on…
