December 2013 | By: The Scrutable Scribe
Quite the Balancing Act from Monkey Queen and his Dancing Balls'
So, naturally we drove right past the turnoff to the Hash site from the road between the Sayan Road and Mambal, not actually recognizing the Hash signs posted on the street entrances because they looked like a cross between the Anarchy sign, one of the symbols on the Led Zeppelin 4 album and the hieroglyphics representing the adopted name of the Artist Formerly Known as Prince. These were black on white cardboard (I think) and could have meant anything from “Take me to your Leader” to “Ibu’s warung” (“branches all over Indonesia”). In the fullness of time, however we did finally conclude that these were indeed Hash signs which required a leap of faith, a wing and a prayer and a car full of squabbling Hashers. As usual we felt like the idiots we were for missing the turn when everybody else, or the vast majority of everybody else, seemed to be already there.
It was great to see that “double story” temple car park at Pura Desa Lambing signaling a pretty good run site (as I recalled) that we had not seen for so many months, years even. Just how many of these measurements of time though quickly became the subject of lively debate. “It was 2 years ago, I remember because my mate Chocco had a bad case of piles and had to be evacuated to Singapore, blah blahdy, the dog died just, blah, afterwards of the same thing” etc. “No, it was three years ago. The wife had palm tree blight, yadda yadda, and we had to cook the cat because the fridge was empty, yadda blah”. Of course this was a bunch of blokes arguing the toss. If it had been women they would have cooperatively agreed on a figure no matter if it was as fictional as Donald Trump’s hair, then moved on to more important issues such as nail care.
Times were shouted at us by H.M. Labia and it seemed that once again we were to “enjoy” a relatively shortish short and of course a ridiculously arduous, and way too long, long. Why has this become such a must on the Hash and who mandated it? I don’t remember casting a referendum vote on the issue, but I certainly hear a lot of complaints about it. As it eventuated, this is exactly what transpired, only more so. The short came in at 55 minutes and the 8km long turned into a 14 km non-stop running “exercise”. All I can say is just as well it was a pretty damned good run on both fronts. I don’t know why we don’t use this area more often and the hares should be commended on choosing it. Well done Dancing Monkey and Balls Queen.
For the reasonably short distance from both from Ubud and points south this wins accolades, also for an almost complete and surprising lack of garbage and some very nifty ups and downs - not too nifty though, thank Christ in my post-TGIF/Drambui-drenched state of delicacy (long story). The river crossing was good, what there was of it, especially if you didn’t try to cross via the concrete falls and come unstuck on the other obviously impassable side with one leg on the end of the concrete and the other far too stretched out on a set of extremely slippery moss covered steps trying to figure out what you next move was. Of course this was not me, it was “my friend” who, as in many a Balinese excuse tale, is “no good”. Giant bamboo stands and fields of colourful offering flowers also decorated our route; quite scenically satisfying considering the close proximity of bustling markets and busy exhaust choked roads.
I’m not going to mention any names here, but it seems that at least one of the above hare duo finds either the idea or the spectacle of mud covered hashers falling arse over tit into padis from tiny anorexic paddy paths for the fourth or fifth time in a row irresistibly hilarious. Let’s just say that the perpetrator is probably closer to “paddies” than glaciers in country of origin. More than once were the rice field berms of Hell paved with Hibernian intentions last Saturday and it was only the Hasher with the balance of Charles Blunden, Niagara tight rope crosser, who survived unsullied. Hardy har har, very funny, is all I can say to this unidentified hare, it is to laugh.
The circle was barked into existence and I have to say went over pretty well this week. Calls of “Respect’ and “Shaddup” from offenders who are usually some of the worst culprits when it comes to circle yapping and interruption gave me hope that perhaps my little Trash tantrums are actually having some effect. The crowd wasn’t huge though which was optimum for circle shenanigans in and out of it, and these were, at least, related. Labia’s judgments and sentencing, always amusing, reached a level of hilarity when he straight facedly demanded a “shriveling” from Grand Master Nightjar who unfazed but plainly pissing himself along with everyone else carried out the ritual shriving.
Jangle Balls executed a “roll call” which included such surnames as the “Gonad twins” (Spook and O.G.), “A. Jerkoff” (some unfortunate) who was warned against playing around with another student on the roll, of course “A. Dick”.
While all of this was quite droll, ho, it is now official, however, that I and a goodly number of other hashers are pissed off with the piss running out so quickly, having to go onto bottles so early and the beer truck being wrapped up before social drinking is called or the circle isn’t finished. This week the Hash master was put in the position of having to demand that another keg be opened, and this shouldn’t happen. The beer is for the enjoyment of the Hashers not a fiefdom for a control trip. We pay for it and unless requested otherwise by local authorities at the site, the beer should continue until Hashers are ready to go, not when they are told to by those to whom we are paying good money to supply and serve said item. We are not there at their convenience, they are there at ours. I can recall a time not so long ago when 5 kegs were regularly brought to the site and if we didn’t drink all of them, the remainder would go back with the truck. What’s wrong with that? It’s the whole idea, for crying out beer; if for some reason it isn’t any more and this has been independently mandated, then it’s high time to think about another arrangement.
On on
