January 2014 | By: The Scrutable Scribe
This week: Latvia Joins the E.U., Trouble in South Sudan, The Hash Site Changes'
Well, first it was going to be somewhere fairly close to Mambal, then rumours and speculation abounded, brows furrowed in constipation, and finally it ended up somewhere…wait for it… fairly close to Mambal, whew! Things could have gone hideously awry but we got away with it and ended up at none other than the…wait for it… Mambal Swimming Pool. We had never been to this sparklingly novel site, so of course we were totally disoriented with its unfamiliarity. Just kidding, har, but it actually turned out to be quite a nice run going a different route than usual (I can hear the scoffs of the veterans and Hash Nazis here, but to mois who has been back on Hash 2, only, a mere three summers, I don’t remember this way at all. Admittedly, this could be something to do with my advanced summers).
It was a pleasantly diverting amble; nothing outrageously challenging: flattish with mild ups and downs here and there. Views were to the middle distance across green paddies and fields of colourful offering flower bushes. They would have been a hell of a lot more spectacular (the views, not the bushes) had there not been such leaden skies into which three enormhuge mountains, one of which I’m sure was Batur (the other two were definitely Wayan and Toby) melted a mid grey into the haze. Being so overcast the up side was that things were kept cool with a spittingly light refreshing drizzle. It was also a very well-marked run, though strangely there were a couple of false trails ideal for check backs which were not marked as such at all. They worked okay, it’s just that “X” did not mark the spot for reasons known only to the paper hoarding hare. Being the rugged individualist I am I took the short at a juncture that felt right to me, and which was also marked “S” and “L” in large white spray painted letters.
There wasn’t a lot of asphalt or kampung, or dogs mercifully, the garbage was bearable and the pandanu plunging was a good spot of sport. At about an hour on the short it was a welcome change after last week’s grueling finale. Good “jobs” hares, whoever you actually were (Serial Offender? Yetti? Both? Neither?). Glad to see you doing your “businesses” well.
Back at the Hound Pound it was Jangle Balls and Labia against the world…again. An A.P.B. has been put out on Wooden Eye but he has evaded detection thus far. They seek him here, they seek him there, those stand-in R.A.s seek him everywhere. Has he gone to ground or flying high - that damned elusive Wooden Eye? He and D. Wanker are about as rare as rocking horse shit these days. Hopefully they’ll at least come out of hiding for St. Andrews Day, surely they won’t Welsh on us for that (ho).
Visitors, virgins and funny haircuts were embarrassed in that order by a Labia clearly labiaring to keep things afloat (not that there’s anything wrong with labiarings, especially floating ones). Exhausted he handed over to J.B. who went on a filibuster out of sheer necessity, there being no Grand Master or R.A. in sight to “relieve” him, and the mata hari was yet to turun. Some of it was okay, historical quotes featuring the word “fuck” was funny while a bit desperate. “One small fuck for man, one giant fuck for mankind” and “We’ll fuck them on the beaches, we’ll fuck them in the streets’’ were two featured by various Hashers most of whom were Screaming Lord Clitoris, who seemed disturbingly excited by this digression .
Organ Grinder and Spook were called upon to regale us with a ditty; they chose from their quiver “Cock Robin” with Dancing Queen as spare Cock. It was a total cack watching this tall Swede whose first language is far from English trying to keep up with the rude gesticulations demanded by the song. He fell hopelessly behind at times, wound up well ahead of the game in some parts and kind of broke even by the end.
And so the first Hash of the New Year came to a close: it was a pretty enjoyable run and not too bad a circle. Neither could be said to have exactly stimulated us to the point of orgasm, but as is usual on BHHH2, it was bloody good fun.
On on
